So, what actually happens in therapy?
If you've never had therapy before, the idea of sitting down with a stranger and talking about yourself, particularly about sex or your relationship, can feel pretty daunting.
You don't need to know where to start. You don't need to have the right words. And I'm not going to sit silently staring at you while you try to work out what you're supposed to say.
Counselling is essentially a space for us to understand what is going on for you. You might come along because you feel anxious, overwhelmed, grieving, stuck in the same patterns that replay over and over again, struggling in a relationship, dealing with something from your past, or simply thinking, 'Why do I keep feeling and doing this?'
We'll get curious about it together.
I'll listen, but I'll also ask questions, especially as I get to know you. I'll offer different perspectives, notice patterns and challenge you. We might look at what's happening now, things you've learnt from past experiences or earlier relationships, how your nervous system responds, or the belief you have about yourself and other people.
I'm not here to tell you how to live your life. The aim is to help you understand yourself better and work out what feels right for you.
And what is Clinical Sexology?
Clinical Sexology brings the same therapeutic curiosity but to sex, sexuality, intimacy and relationships.
People come to me for all sorts of things. For some, sex has stopped; one of you wants it more than the other, erections don't always happen, penetration hurts or feels impossible, orgasm is difficult, you've lost desire and don't want to have sex, you're worried about porn or sexual behaviour, substances (Drugs, alcohol etc.) have become connected to sex, you've discovered something about your partner, or you're trying to understand your sexuality, fantasies, kink or relationship structure.
Some just know that something isn't working, and that's enough to start with.
I'm interested in more than the symptom itself. If you tell me you've lost desire, we don't jump straight to getting it back. I'll wonder what happened to it.
What's happening in your body? How's your health? Your relationship? Life in general? What medications are you taking? What does sex actually look like for you, and do you enjoy it? What helps you feel sexual? And more. There's no such thing as too much information when it comes to figuring it all out.
That's the Clinical Sexology part. I look at the whole person rather than treating a sexual difficulty as though it exists on its own. It doesn't!
And yes, we talk about sex, sometimes explicitly.
You can use whatever words feel comfortable, and if you tell me something you're convinced is weird, embarrassing, or something you've never told anyone before, I'm not going to gasp in horror.
My job isn't to decide whether your sex life is normal. Whatever normal is. It's to help you understand your sexuality, your relationships, your difficulties, and where something isn't working for you, and work out together what might help.
Sometimes that involves talking. Sometimes I'll give you information or explain what's happening physiologically. Soemtimes I'll suggest exercises or things to try between sessions, and sometimes I might suggest the need to speak to another health professional.
And sometimes I'll challenge an idea you've carried around for years about what sex, relationships or you are supposed to be like!
You don't need to come along knowing what you need.
We can work that bit out together.
Unfortunately, therapy through the NHS or a counselling organisation can often entail a long wait and a limit to the number of sessions offered, usually 6-12 sessions, with little choice over who you see, when you see them and the counselling approach on offer, however paying for counselling or therapy gives you the choice and a say in seeking help without any time constraints.
You won't have to wait, you can agree a convenient time for sessions and negotiate flexibility if you need it.
Finding the right counsellor can feel like a minefield. Everyone seems to offer a 'Safe, confidential and non-judgmental space', but how do you know who is right for you?
Start with the basics. Are they appropriately qualified and registered? Do they have genuine training and experience in the area you want help with, particularly if it's something specialist like sex, relationships, trauma or neurodivergence?
Then get a feel for the person behind the qualifications. This is where a free consultation helps.
Some therapists are very reflective and give you lots of space. Others are more active. I'm probably in the second camp. I'll listen, but I'll also ask questions, share what I'm noticing, explain things, and sometimes challenge you.
Most importantly, ask yourself: could I imagine talking honestly to this person?
You don't need to trust them with everything straight away, as trust is built over time. But you should feel listened to, not judged, and able to disagree or say when something doesn't feel right.
And if you're looking for sex therapy, ask yourself: can this therapist talk comfortably about sex?
You shouldn't have to worry about making your therapist uncomfortable while you're trying to talk about something that's already difficult for you.
Ultimately, you're looking for the right combination of training, experience, and, most importantly, human connection.
The first session is really about getting to know you and what brings you to therapy. I may already have an idea if we've had a 15-minute consultation.
You don't need to come along with a perfectly organised story or know what you want to work on. We'll figure it out.
I'll ask you questions about what's happening now, what you need help with, and your history and relationships.
If you're coming for sex and relationship therapy, I may ask more specific questions about sexual history, sexual health, medication, relationships, how you're feeling about sex and what it currently looks like to you. You only need to share what you're comfortable with.
It's also an opportunity to ask me questions and get a feel for how I work.
By the end, we'll usually have a clearer idea of what's going on, what you would like to change, and how we can work together.
But don't worry, you don't have to tell me your whole life story in 50 minutes unless you want to!
We can work online via Zoom, or if you prefer, we can work face-to-face. My practice is based in Sidcup in a relaxed, comfortable, private setting, with the comfiest sofa. It's also accessible to the areas of Dartford, Bexley, Greenwich, Kidbrooke, New Eltham, Welling, Plumstead, Bexleyheath and Eltham in South East London and Kent and local to the M25, A2, A20, Sidcup and New Eltham train stations and bus routes 51, 286 and B13. Access to the property is via two steps and then a threshold. You'll have access to a toilet, but this is on the first floor via stairs.
No, counselling is confidential; however, there are exceptions. I may need to break confidentiality if you or someone else is at risk of immediate harm and can't protect themselves. If that were the case, I would discuss it with you first. In certain situations, I am legally required to act without notifying you first. This includes serious concerns such as terrorism, national security, drug trafficking, or money laundering. Confidentiality cannot be maintained in these cases, as the law obligates me to report to the relevant authorities without prior discussion with you.
Each session is £80 for individual therapy and £120 for couples, which is reviewed regularly and is based on qualifications, experience and specialisms.
Clinical supervision for trainees is £60 per hour; for qualified therapists, it is your hourly rate.
If you would like to know more, please feel free to email me.
Because each session is set aside for you and due to financial considerations around waiting lists, cancellation requires at least 48 hours' notice, or the full fee is still payable. This includes late cancellation due to work commitments and illness.
Agreeing to work with you means I set aside time each week, or at the agreed frequency, to be available to you with commitment and consistency. Likewise, therapy for you involves structure, discipline, and regular time to focus on yourself and engage in a healthy working relationship.
This depends on your needs and the issues being worked on. Some people like to work short-term in brief therapy, and others prefer counselling over a longer period of time. You decide!
Sessions are held for 50 minutes and usually arranged on a weekly basis at the same time and day. If you arrive late the session will still have to end at the allotted time.